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To my usual place. Under the Neem tree.

I love the sight of the Neem tree strategically positioned at the one corner of our house like an umbrella atop. The leaves sprout again and the tree is sparsely green. It is picturesque as always, the brown trunks visible enough from the leaves surrounding them. It is like a painting drawn on a canvas when seen from a distance. 

My cup of Chai + The lap of Neem Tree + Me = A Perfect morning

I love this season – slightly cold invoking a need for warmth. It is welcoming in its own way. It already feels festive. Diwali was just around the corner. 

Well, I moved towards the wall standing against the neem tree, adjoining our neighbor’s compound. 

“Namaste Uncle”, I said in a loud voice to get his attention. 

“Looks like you have gotten to paint the house this Diwali.”, 

“Hahahahah. Nothing like that.” he quipped. “Actually the kids are coming home ahead of Diwali.” “So, I thought of redoing it a bit.”

“Oh, that is amazing Uncle. And the colour looks bright” I said. Just like your mood, I thought. 

I could feel their happiness. It was as if our house was getting painted, the bushes were being trimmed. Uncle had picked the choicest collection of flowers for their garden which I could see from my rooftop. I am not sure though if Aunty has the courage and strength to prepare pickle this time. 

Yes, she has not been keeping well for quite some time. All we have heard is they have been drifting between Jammu and Mumbai often. Not sure what has gotten to her.

Last few years have been miserable that way. As if happiness had forgotten the way to their beautifully done home.

There were times when there was always some khapkhaana (read happy noise) coming in from that house. I must be in class 10th when their elder son got married and in Class 12th when the younger one got married. Their daughter had got married even before the two sons and I do not have any memory of that.

It used to be peak hours of my studying when the DJ went all out in full volume “Dhol Jageeron Da…”, “ Tunak Tun-Tun, Tunak Tun-Tun”, and I would imagine dance moves while listening to those songs. I loved their familial bond and I have always loved their subtle exuberance about the bond they shared with each other amongst the family.

The family got bigger and bigger. There were more family dinners, and get-togethers. All 3 siblings along with their better-halves would join Uncle-Aunty in the weekly Sunday brunches or dinners. But then one fine day when I came back from my college for a summer break, I got to know that both the sons have moved to outside India. 

The house that was shimmering with love, laughter and aroma of good food was left empty, lonely and scentless with aging parents still maneuvering their beautifully done home. In the hope that kids would visit them once a year if not forever.

But weeks, months and years passed and neither the sons nor their partners ever got back to home ever. And in between the lady of the house picked up ailments beyond recovery. She grew thin and much leaner than before. When I first saw her after a long hiatus, I could barely recognise her. The pain had taken over her body completely. The sadness from the aloofness had pierced her eyes and souls maybe. She could hardly laugh anymore with anyone. Maybe she does with her kids – over the phone – hoping and wanting them to come back. 

The garden remained unkempt, the bushes grew beyond their natural length, the walls of the house eroded with the rains and withering weather year after year. The couple has tried to keep the foundation strong though. Uncle takes care of the household chores, even cooks all the meals and gives his fullest to take care of aunty – in the smallest ways possible. 

It is strange that couples who often spend early years of their marriage battling out their differences wish to spend a lifetime of togetherness in their aging years. But it is too late then, isn’t it?

Well that day, I saw Aunty smiling again coming out of her kitchen drying veggies on the pavement. Aah! The pickle would see another season this year. I beamed with happiness. How beautiful and powerful the emotion is that the homecoming of children infuses so much strength, courage and happiness inside the heart and soul of parents. So much so that their bodies feel young and their eyes happier. 

My heart felt elated watching the commotion from this side of the wall. The house was spewing freshness. The garden was prim and proper, again. The aisle of flowers (guldodi, gutta, dailia lined up alternatively) made the sides look so beautiful and welcoming. The chandelier in their lobby, which I could see from the vantage point – with their lobby curtains aside – was lit up again in full.

The stranded house was once again an abode full of love, laughter and happiness.

Meanwhile, I hear Uncle and aunty laughing out loud sharing a joke about the kids maybe. I am not sure if these kids or Uncle-Aunty would ever get to read this but if they ever – they should know, that in their happiness and sadness, in their good times or bad times – I have felt how they have felt very much along with them from this side of the wall.

But that day I was happy to see my neighbors happy once again!

It must be just another hashtag #homecoming to return home this Diwali, but for parents it is like reliving your entire childhood in those few days of you being with them. It is creating beautiful memories for the next 350 days when you will not be there. It is blowing life into the balloons of theirs and keeping it afloat till the house is full of life again.

To you and your families, A very happy Diwali. 

P.S. If you are heading home this Diwali, try to visit Chhat of your home. It misses you too.

P.S.S. I ahve gone through a similar turbulence of emotions and here’s the story of my GharWaapsi and it’s been 2 years to that.

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Raghu Kul reet yehi chali aayi

Praan Jaayein par vachan na Jaayein

(which literally translates into – the power of promises(words) is much bigger than the life we breathe and this tradition continues from the times of Lord Rama)

But times have changed drastically and for the worse! The words, promises have no value but neither life is any more precious. All that has turned to be paramount is wealth, fame and power. If there is anything that comes in the way of accumulating any of these – can be plainly sacrificed. 

I am sure, it is not me alone who has been seeing this happening around for quite some time now. This scenario is out there for all of us to view day in and day out. A brother is a foe to brother (from the same mother), siblings are now competitors, parents are left in old age and kids in the golden cage, family feuds over piece of land (that no one is carrying along after death) remain unsolved in courts for years, corruption suffocates you in each social transaction. Interestingly, every damn thing is a transaction. The weight of these vices has become insurmountable leaving us in dark forever. 

Sadly though, you and I have become a part of this system with so much ease and fluidity that it seldom occurs to us the dilapidation of our moral values and lessons learnt over the centuries and millennium. 

In the century old saga of our great epic of all times – Ramayana, as it is called – we see a virulent fight between the good and the evil, the virtuous and the corrupt, humble and the arrogant, the values and the vices. 

And every single time, the good has stood victorious. But will it be possible this time?

It is anecdotal to note that in Satyuga, the fight was between Devas and Asurs.

In Treta Yuga, the fight was between two different lands.

In Dwapara Yuga, the dominion of war receded to one family. (between the brothers)

In Kali Yuga, we see that the battle has confounded within our own selves. 

(For more details on Yugas, please refer here)

The Yin and the Yang reside within me. The black and the white, the dark and the light, the virtues and the vices – they are all within my own mind, body and soul. We all are constantly battling this never ending war and it has become like a black hole, we are unable to escape.

A few days ago I was led into this thought that what if Ravana was born today, how would he look, what will be his character, what vices would be greater and difficult to find and kill in him so that the world could be a better and peaceful place to live.

I didn’t have to run far. I could easily spot a Ravana within me. I am so full of vices. Those vices make me weak and vulnerable but at the same time the cognisance of those vices makes me powerful. And this makes the entire situation trickier than anything else.

There are countless vices that I could write to demonstrate the wilderness of this single-headed Ravana that is me. But for now, I listed the top most apparent vices that I could correlate to.

1. Ego – After hundreds and thousands of years of Ravana being killed in Lanka, ego still remains the biggest fallacy we own. I am not sure how do I define this emotion called ego but it is the weakest link in our existence.

2. Ungrateful – As a human, we are bestowed with the best gifts of nature but we consistently ignore them (such as rivers, lakes, natural springs, flowers, animals, birds, mountains, our ability to speak, write, express, and most importantly our ability to think and differentiate right from the wrong, etc.) But we never feel grateful to these unimaginable gifts rather we are always complaining

3. Unforgiving – We take ourselves too seriously and because of that we do not forgive anyone easily who we suppose has harmed us, our existence, and most importantly our sense of ego. Forgiveness is considered as the greatest virtue we have easily sidelined under the shadow of new “Inspiring quotes – Forgive but never Forget”, the fact being you have never forgiven if you have not forgotten.

4. Selfishness – From making friendships to sustaining relationships, we consider everything as a transaction. We are good to people from whom we expect or want something and we are oblivion of those who in our definition can’t provide us with anything. We are more selfish than we ever were.

5. Fake News – We are consumed by the idea of sharing every and any kind of information without validating its accuracy. More than half of the world’s problems are because of poor and wrong information being disseminated and we playing an equal role in spreading these farce news with our social networks.

6. Lack of Listening – We are intolerant beings who only know how to share their side of the story. We have no patience left to hear the other side of the story. And listening is the core of our existence. Sitting with one another, listening to their stories of pain, struggle, valour or grief makes us wiser but we have been failing at it badly. This has led us to be intolerant, quicker to react, judgemental and more rude than we naturally are.

7. Apathy – Corporate talks about wellbeing, mindfulness, leadership talk about producing more empathetic leaders. I always wonder shouldn’t this be a natural human trait we all should possess. But alas! It is rare to find humans who can put themselves in someone else’s shoes and feel their pain, misery or state of mind. 

This Ravana clearly has vices that are difficult to deal with. The bigger challenge is they reside within me who pretends to be good and struggles for perfection and is wanting to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of righteousness. 

I am the Ravana, I am the Ram. I am the perpetrator of all that is wrong and I am the culmination of that good that arouses from within me. There is an unprecedented weight of the vices within me that I am carrying over my chest and a bag full of pseudo-goodness that I am carrying over my shoulders. I am looking to free myself from this existence of duality. I wish to live free, flowing and light. Is that even a possibility in this Yuga or ever?

Will I be able to kill the Ravana inside me? Will we?

P.S. If you think there is anything else that constitutes Ravana of the 21st Century, drop your thoughts in comments.

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I said: Well right now after seeing what has happened in the Capitol building, I am unhappy about the world as well. The last year we all know has not been great but the beginning of 2021 doesn’t look promising either. 

But yes if you are asking about India, Yes I am unhappy about that as well. 

(To which he had a hearty laugh) and said: Aren’t you a Bhakt anymore? No more NaMo Namah?

And I broke into laughter as well. 

Well, that is not the point Papa. There are things which I absolutely applaud NaMo BJP government for. From infrastructure projects – such as tube metro, tunnels in the toughest terrains of India, Express Corridor, and other achievements such as OROP, abrogation of Article 370 in J&K, modernisation of Education system, consciousness towards the need of a cleaner and plastic free India and recognition of local indigenous culture of various states – there is a lot which has been commendable on their part. The results of which might take some time to showcase or gain momentum. 

“But if you attribute so much progress and development to them, what exactly disturbs you?”, he quipped.

“Imbalance of forces and misuse of power”, was my immediate response. There is this sense of mistrust prevailing across the society because the system is being tweaked and twisted to suit the political benefits. The rules and law are flouted on a daily basis that might be just fine till BJP is inpower or till the time the common mass doesn’t take notice of it. But the day, it gets noticed – it is going to lead to a State of Anarchy – a huge uncontrollable rebellion. And that is my concern. 

I start with the simplest of examples – I have been writing for Op-Ed in Daily Excelsior for the last 8 years now (since 2012). But never before I found this resistance against publishing an article that is anti-incumbent. And this sentiment – when you extrapolate this to the larger ecosystem – is prevalent in the National Media as well. 

Isn’t the purpose of the media to present an unbiased picture of the state of affairs and make the public aware? But is that even happening? Absolutely not! We all know that Times Now being pro-BJP, NDTV anti-BJP and CNBC will stay neutral to such an extent that it would not even add value.

From Delhi riots in Feb 2020 till now about the debates around how the corona was handled in India and the release of vaccination – the media have not been able to present a true picture. This atmosphere of fear on speaking the truth or fear of being harmed on presenting unbiased facts is disturbing to say the least. 

From state level to national level, everyone is observing silently – how the portfolio of ministers, governors of the states, key people at the judiciary (High Court to Supreme courts) are moved as per the “political need”. I am disturbed by this imbalance of forces and power. This movement then not becomes a tactic or a technique but a precedent for many other offices down the hierarchy. 

Everyone is so busy pleasing the BJP so that they might as well get benefitted (and prevent themselves any harm) and this is showing up around. (they say sab apna chul sek rahe hain not knowing and realising this is going to come back and haunt the entire society)

Aren’t the 3 pillars of democracy – Legislature, Executive, and Judiciary supposed to work in tandem (yet not hands in gloves) and keep a check on each other?

Camouflaging and ricochet – that is my other major concern of the BJP government. There always seems to be one or the other issue be it Narcotics in Bollywood, to Kangana’s tantrums, to some protest, or discussions over trivial topics that really do not add value to the society as a whole. But the prime time, debate hours go on to discuss these for hours and days and months – Why? To sideline the attention of the public and masses from the issues of growth, development, economics and finance of the country? To digress. 

As an incumbent if you are doing 1000 things right and 200 things wrong – I would be able to trust you only when you hold ownership and accountability for all 1200 things and not for those 1000 alone. And especially not by distracting people to something that is spicier but useless.

The fear that any opposition to BJP would be dealt strongly or muted forever is deadly. In fact that is exactly against the ethos of Democracy. To dissent is the core in democracy and to come to a solution unanimously and amicably is the strength. Unfortunately our core is getting suppressed and so our strength is weakening as a result.

An atmosphere where people are not allowed to speak up their mind with the fear of being silenced forever, an ecosystem where all the pillars of democracy are muddled to work to protect the incumbent, media where loud voices and shouting is allowed to set the context of a debate – is then a perfect recipe for Anarchy (Not a Superpower)! That is not India, I dream of.

This lack of trust in the system – emanating from inefficient or disloyal pillars of democracy, unavailability of right and rightful information, information overdose that confuses the public, corrupt and selfish bureaucracy and showbiz politics – is going to eat up the society like termites.

If something costs us our values and the basic DNA, that is best left to its own. And that is why what happened in Capitol Building shocks me, worries me and succumbs me to those dreadful thoughts. Because that is exactly what happens when we give so much power and weightage to one person more than the constitution itself that we as society are blinded to differentiate between right vs wrong. What if that happens in India?

Because, we all know (though subconsciously) that neither Narendra Modi (who we all love and adore 犀利士
and the man who has it all under control) nor BJP is going be at the helm of affairs forever but when the takht will topple with any other party or with people who may not have as much might as our NaMo – what is going to be the State of Affairs in our country then?

Will there be hooliganism and vandalism at the very temple of our constitution – The parliament?

So, Papa, this absence of sanity is what disturbs me! And the world surely is on a bad trip that it cannot make sense of all of this and chooses to ignore. 

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