Life Archives - Thebuswindow

Fursat

Karanvir — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 12:20:24 +0000

बहुत भीड़ लगी है आजकल

जगह-जगह, हर जगह

सब व्यस्त से मालूम होते हैं

गुज़र बसर जुगाड़ रहे शायद

क्या करें भाई?

यह इक्कसवीं सदी है

यहाँ सपनों का बाजार लगा है

सब उसी कारोबार में व्यस्त हैं शायद

बहुत भीड़ जमा है चारों ओर

हर ओर जहाँ से गुज़रता हूँ

सिनेमा घरों में, मदिनों में

दुकानों में, और मॉलों में

सड़कों पे, कार्यालों में

पर फिर भी इक सन्नाटा सा है

जैसे हर कोई रूठा हुआ है इक-दूजे से

अचरज में हूँ के ऐसा क्यों है

सपनों ने, आकांक्षाओं ने

हम सब को जकड़ सा लिया है

हम ज़िन्दगी की दौड़ में,

खुद की अनकही सी खोज में

इतने मेह्फूस हो गए हैं

के भूल चूके हैं –

इक दुनिया और भी बस्ती है

छुपी बैठी है जो मन के किसी कौने में

और हमारी रूह उसे आज भी तरसती है

पर कैसे कराएं रूह का रूबरू उस दुनिया से

कम्बख्त फुर्सत ही तो नहीं हमें अपने सपनों से

बहुत व्यस्त सा रहता हूँ

फेसबुक पे, और ट्विटर पे

इंस्टा पे और स्नैपचैट पे

और कभी-कभी दफ्तर में

कईं दोस्त बना लिए हैं हर नेटवर्क पे

पर फिर भी जब शुक्रवार आता है

तो अकेले ही हस्ता हूँ याद कर उनकी बातों पे

यूँ तो मैं जाकर उनके संग जाम लगा लूँ

पर फुर्सत ही नहीं बाकी चर्चों से

चलो मान लिया मैंने

तुम, मैं और तुम व्यस्त हैं बहुत

पर कोई तो पूछो इन बच्चों से

न बरामदों में दीखते हैं

न मैदानों में, न बारिश में नाव तैराते

न सड़कों में साइकिल दौड़ाते

कहाँ छुपे बैठे हैं अपने बचपन से

यूँ तो मैं जाकर इनका बचपन जगा दूँ

पर डरता हूँ कहीं दूर न हो जाएँ यह अपने सपनों से

एक घर मैंने भी बसाया है

मीलों दूर घर से इन शहरों में

सुख भी है, सुविधाएं भी हैं

नेटफ्लिक्स भी है, और प्राइम भी है

कईं दोस्त बुने हैं मैंने दीवारों में

पर फिर भी जब लौट कर घर को आता हूँ

सन्नाटों के शोर गूंजते हैं हज़ारों में

यूँ तो मैं वापिस जाकर अपने देश बस जाऊं

फिर थम जाता हूँ सोचकर के फुर्सत ही कहाँ है इन नज़ारों से

फिर इक दिन थक्क-हारकर

मैं भी खड़ा था बालकनी में

मिलाया मैंने सुट्टे का धुआँ

उस सरूर चाय की प्याली में

के झट्ट से हवा चलने लगी गर्मी में

और बूँदें गिरी ज़ोरो से आँगन में

जैसे कोई बात दबी हो अर्सों से

“यूँ तो मैं रोज़ बरस जाऊं, मैं रोज़ आऊं झोकों में

पर क्या करूँ मूर्ख – फुर्सत ही नहीं तुझे तेरे अपने सपनों से”

घरों में लोग रहते हैं

पर सोसाइटी में पडोसी नहीं

अपनी तारीखों पे त्यौहार आते हैं

पर उन्ही तारीखों पे अपने नहीं

घरों में लक्ष्मी आती है

पर लक्ष्मी की बरगत नहीं

दरवाज़ों पे दस्तक होती है

पर दस्तक में धड़कन नहीं

क्यों बंद है बरामदों की बिजलियाँ

पर टीवी की रौशनी नहीं

थक गयी उंगलियां स्क्रीन पे चलते-चलते

पर बैठे जो संग, उनसे न हो पाई बात कोई

बोतलों के ढक खुल गए

पर अपनों के दिल नहीं

टकटकी लगाए आस में बैठे हैं

पर न आया रिप्लाई उनसे, जो अपने हैं ही नहीं

क्यों बेबस हैं कल की सोच में

और आज मन में चैन नहीं

क्यों सब कुछ है सबके पास

फिर भी मन में उल्लास नहीं

क्यों हासिल करने की दौड़ में

खुद को ही भूल आए हम कहीं

यूँ तो आज़ाद हैं हम कहने को

पर फिर भी हम आबाद नहीं

तुम क्या करोगे इन सपनों का

जब इन सब जंजालों से तुम निकले ही नहीं

तुम क्या करोगे इन सपनों का

जब अपनों के लिए तुम्हें फुर्सत ही नहीं

The post Fursat appeared first on Thebuswindow.

Scar(r)ed

Karanvir — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 11:50:40 +0000

Can you give me

something

that is more

intoxicating than you are,

and maybe I will have

something else

running in my nerves!

For now, I am scared

and scarred for my life

that no one lives and sigh

they only breathe for a while

I am keeping very scared these days

there are people in the room,

but no one talks

there are children in the park,

but no one plays

no one flirts and no one dates,

they just swipe

too much to see, and observe, and absorb

but they are all hooked to their screens

they could have cooked and shared a meal

along with their love but all they do is pop

no one strolls and no one goes for a walk

they just book a ride from stop to stop

no one holds hands anymore, run fingers through hair

and no one looks eye to eye, no one really adores

all they do is just complete a chore

I am not surprised, that there are so many

hollow eyes and even more empty hearts

souls that are scarred and us who are scared

eternally and forever, and maybe even so more

Can you give me

something

that is more

intoxicating than you are,

and maybe I will have

something else

running in my nerves!

The post Scar(r)ed appeared first on Thebuswindow.

गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी

Karanvir — Thu, 17 Nov 2022 06:07:48 +0000

गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी
कुछ उलझती
कुछ सुलझती
थोड़ी चढ़ती
थोड़ी उतरती

गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी
थोड़ी मीठी
थोड़ी नमकीन
थोड़ी सी ज़ालिम
थोड़ी सी हसीन

गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी
थोड़ी उदास
थोड़ी मुस्कुराती
थोड़ी बुझी बुझी
थोड़ी जगमगाती

गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी
थोड़ी मनचली
थोड़ी इतराती
थोड़ी मेरे मन सी
थोड़ी इठलाती

गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी
कुछ ठहरी सी
कुछ बहती सी
कुछ बासी
कुछ ताज़ी सी

अटकी पड़ी है ज़िन्दगी
शायद किसी ख्याल पे
मगर साल, हफ़्तों और दिनों में
ज़रूर गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी

The post गुज़र रही है ज़िन्दगी appeared first on Thebuswindow.

Ghar Waapsi, it’s been 2 years!

Karanvir — Fri, 02 Sep 2022 16:37:16 +0000

Ghar Waapsi: It’s been 2 years!

Ghar Waapsi!

It would be a lie if I tell you that I never thought of returning back to my hometown Jammu in the last couple of years. I did. In fact I made multiple attempts at it – of returning to a place with less avenues, less opportunities, but more peace, a comfortable (not so rushed-hushed) pace and the one that fills my heart with all the love, always!

I am sure this idea would have crossed your heads multiple times as well. The idea of Ghar Waapsi (of returning to home forever). It is not easy to let go of your first love, where you have spent your childhood, made a lot of friends and memories, had your first breakup-kisses and Valentine, rushed to your favorite Samosa Chaat wale bhaiya, meethai bhandaar, Chhole-Bathure ka thela, vada shop, paan wali dukaan and where you have a place that you fondly call your home.

I have been very much like you like that. Trying to find home in those little things and instilling a major missing. I am very much like you. Never been able to let go of my first love.

Ghar ek alag hi adda hai. Aur Ghar Waapsi ek nasha.

Wo nasha, jo karke aap thakte nahi, nashe jo haqeeqat hote nahi.

A similar kind of frenzy occupied me a couple of years ago. It always does.

I took a 20 days leave to think, figure out and make my way back to the place I dotingly love, Jammu. This place has my heart. The mundane mornings become bright, the reluctant sunsets become relentless, the daily drives on the very same roads become enchanting, and everything that supposedly would feel boring otherwise becomes enthralling. This is what home and hometown do to you!

Everytime I pick my pen to write poetry, the first emotion that grips me is the longing that remained caged in my heart for years. My relationship with jammu is like that of the Dal lake and the sunset, the kite and the sky, the frog and the pond, the whale and the ocean – in the presence of which, each gets glorified.

Do you also get that similar sense of completeness when you are back in your hometown?

Well, those couple of years back, my madness of rushing back to home was in full swing. I was so done with my 9 to 5 job, a mundane setting, filling in a timesheet, punch in-punch out at the ODC that an irreparable melancholy set inside me and everything seemed meaningless. I went and met some startup founders, understood what was new and how they were doing it. I also wished to open a cafe or a kiosk and did all the maths behind it. And I came back home in all fervour, but everything was in vain.

A few days and years from that day.

MBA. Job. Marriage. Life kept getting entangled in its own hues and plans. Like all of us, I kept succumbing to the flow.

“Go with the flow”, that is what we are always told. Isn’t it?

In fact, over the period of time, going with the flow became a norm. And this became an inside joke between me and my wife about having kids in our hometown. Luckily, my wife and I share a common hometown. And she would merily laugh over my statement, “What if we have our kids in Jammu?”

“In your dreams!” would come a quick reply.

And we both would have a hearty laugh.

Because deep down we both knew this was not happening at all. But then this happened and how.

Struck by the COVID19, like millions of others, we also rushed back home immediately once the travel was open to the public.

You see this Boarding Pass below, I have saved it. It’s a memoir and a reminder of that ever so fresh longing in my heart. The longing for Ghar Waapsi. And the dire circumstances that pushed us to take that happy decision of our lives.

This and today! It’s been 2 years of #GharWaapsi.

My heart cannot fathom the fact that 2 years have gone by since we have been back to our fondness, to fill the longing that was etched in my heart forever. Since we have been back to our home.

It is rare for us to find a blessing in disguise but as someone has said, “Badi shiddat se maanga hoga tumne ki puri kainath ne saazish rachi hai tujhe milaane ki.”

It literally holds true in this case. The entire world got trapped amidst the pandemic just for me to fulfil my wish. Really so? Maybe!

A lot of ugly things happened in these 2 years. Attending funerals and last rites was never a part of the plan. Dressing up and taking a break from work to attend Uthalas and Barkhi was never a part of the plan. Attending phone calls to hear the demise and tragic news was never imagined. We lost so much and so many loved ones during these 2 years. That many times, I lamented my wish of coming back home forever. The wish that was granted with caveats.

Has it ever happened to you that despite fulfilling your wishes and bizarre fancies, still a strange sadness grips you?

Well, a strange void grips me since I have come back home.

Disgruntled housewives tortured at the hands of families, family feuds continue (as they did 15 years back when I had left Jammu), money matters, the extent of lies, an enviable competition, unhealthy relationships with the facade of beauty, insults of the poor and remarks like “tumhein pta hi kya hai, itne saal tum Jammu they bhi to nahi”, I have been pushed into finding myself. I have been trying to find Jammu in Jammu. Jammu, which is a piece of my heart and an emotion that my soul carries. Being back home was not as easy as I had imagined it to be. Surely, love never has easy ways.

But they say, anything that you go too close to or anything that gets too close to you, the pleasures are insane and the faults gargantuan. And I would love to believe that is the case with my love, my home, my Jammu.

And I am pretty sure that a lot of you must have gone through the same uncertainty of thoughts, emotions while being back to your hometowns and home.

Despite all the love-hate relationship, my fondness for this place never ceases to amaze me. Out of all those infinitesimal small emotions that I breathe into this place and this place breathes into me – came a chapter in my book The End called Ghar Waapsi.

You would not believe it. But my 18 year long dream of becoming an author, my 14 year old longing of returning to my hometown and my 6 year old fancy of nurturing our child in my hometown – they all found a rescue in the place that I would happily die for – Jammu.

[18 years ago] Picking up a pen and

telling a story about life

was a heart craving to bleed

[14 years ago] Getting back to home

was a rescue from the life

that set insane melancholy

[6 years ago] Giving a birth to a child and

nurturing in the arms of the place that nurtured me

was fusing something just more than genes

[Today] Look at how fate would have it –

they all came to see light of the day together

and once for all set me free

While, I enjoy and absorb the emotion called #GharWaapsi being here, I believe it is going to be an ongoing pursuit to finding myself and finding Jammu in Jammu.

The post Ghar Waapsi, it’s been 2 years! appeared first on Thebuswindow.

Who will fill their cup of love?

Karanvir — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 03:32:20 +0000

It is amazing that how we need love and attention during all phases of life. While we are a kid, there is no lap that we have not been into. Someone or the other is always busy engaging us, damn every single time we go cranky. A single cry can gather the entire family around us. As we grow into teens and twenties, we end up finding our kind of madness. Hormones don’t let us be alone (sometimes yes). But there is always this fulfilment of kind of attention and love we are craving for. And then life happens!

Interestingly this attention and love is found missing while we grow old – like old to the stage where our kids have found their families and career to pursue. In the last few months, it so happened that I ended up spending time with quite a few elders (some couples, some single partners) – seemingly happy, full of energy and enthusiastic about life but hold the conversation for 15 minutes and you will see a world that is reeking of ‘loneliness’!

All household chores done! All socialising done! So, yes life is happening at its own pace for these oldies too. But trace them back to their homes and you will find a deafening silence that can only rip your heart apart. I will not hesitate to admit that I witness the same thing at my home as well.

What is surprising is – when we (the kids and the larger family) are back home – our parents get 50% rescued from all kinds of illness. They are eating healthy, sleeping on time, engaging in regular and varied conversations. There is an unbeatable zeal to pursue life. ‘Akelapan’ finds it way out of the home. There are no sully evenings or dreary nights when untoward thoughts keep them engaged and surrounded.

I have seen this first hand and I can’t be more depressed about all of this. I will never be able to forget an evening when I went to meet my uncle who stays with his wife (kids settled abroad) and for all the time we were there, he could not stop talking and keeping us engaged. While I had gone to spend some 30minutes with him, I could not help but ending up spending the entire evening with him.

Why? Why is it so that when our parents need the most of our love and affection – we find ourselves tied to our “chores and career” but when it was our turn to receive all the love and affection – they stood by us relentlessly. My parents say that this is the chakra of life! I am not sure they do really mean it or that these are their consoling words to prevent me from any guilt!

There is a Dogri phrase that goes like this आपु गुड़ खादा होये ते दुज्जे की कियाँ मना करना (If you are in a sugar spree, how will you advise others not to taste it). What I mean is I am not sure if I can advise or suggest anyone to just leave your cushy jobs, hefty pay-checks, pack your bags and go back home! But all I can say is we can definitely be more engaging with our parents and elders of our family, a little more cognizant of what’s happening in their lives (lest we are caught by surprise someday), talk to them daily (I hope I am not asking for more) and just make them very much a part of our routine! It might not be the easiest thing to do but surely not impossible.

After all, we all need Our cup of love to be filled! The question is can we fill our elders’ cup of love?

The post Who will fill their cup of love? appeared first on Thebuswindow.

The Art of Being Thankful

Karanvir — Sat, 01 Jun 2019 06:46:39 +0000

It is tough to get up every morning and feel absolutely happy for everything. Let me re-write this. It is tough to get up every morning and feel absolutely happy for nothing.

Nothing because you didn’t buy a new car, you didn’t start living in a new house. You didn’t plan for a new trip or your next vacation. You didn’t earn as you expected. You didn’t do something to “waow” yourself. And may be that is why you and I do not think it as important to be thankful for anything.

Strangely enough, we are so used to this idea of “newness”, “doing something fancy”, “owning something fancy and unique” – something which is not ordinary. Unknowingly we want our lives and our possessions to be unique from others. That satiates us. That makes us feel happy. Yet that doesn’t make us feel thankful. After all Thankful to whom? We do believe that all our accomplishments, achievements are our own and we owe 100% credit to ourselves rather than anyone else.

So, in this busy lives of ours – a life which is quite much about consuming as much as we can from food to drinks to clothes and you name a thing; we forget being thankful.

The very fact you are breathing, you get up every next morning; the sun didn’t forget to rise and the air promised oxygen – doesn’t move us. We take them for guaranteed. Our parents being there for us; our families being there to share our joys and sorrows; having our friends with who we create so many memories – they don’t move us either. We take them as well forever. However, as a matter of fact they are not. They too are our joys – ours for limited period of time.

The very fact that we exist and exist healthy is sufficient enough for us to be thankful enough but we are not. This lack of being thankful makes us devoid of compassion, humility. And it leads to a point where we are full of ourselves. Not with bad intention though but lack of mindfulness leads us to pay no heed to any person, place or situation around us that actually got us here where we are today.

The world is a beautiful place to be in. From the books we read to the stories that leave an imprint forever. The movies we watch and leave us nostalgic. The food we eat and keeps us healthy. The air we breathe that keeps us alive. Nothing beats the pleasure of listening to the trees flurry their leaves, the sun and the moon playing hide and seek, birds chirping outside the house. The sight of a river gushing by, and the mountains that standby. And us living a life between those 24hours every day till we are alive. Nothing is permanent and forever.

So yes, let’s pause for a while, take a minute or so every day – close our eyes and be thankful for all what we have. Let us be thankful to what all troubles we are thrown into and all that gives us happiness. All that keeps us going and all that keeps us afloat. That’s the best way we can feel absolutely happy for so many (yet unaccounted for) possessions we already have. And the art of being thankful lies in the fact of valuing all what you have got and not counting on what you couldn’t have.

Thank you for reading this. And if you feel thankful today, share this with your friends and family as well. A simple word of Thanks goes a long way into making this world a beautiful place.

The post The Art of Being Thankful appeared first on Thebuswindow.

The Power of Time

Karanvir Gupta — Fri, 28 Dec 2018 07:46:00 +0000

I think that is the power of Turning 30 – you gain multiple perspective about similar things. With a few you rebel – contemplate and think through while with the most of the rest – you make peace. And few months before I actually turn 30, I have reinforced my belief in the power and enigma of Time. I have always been a believer in the same but a few days back I chanced upon this Hindi movie Mausam (starring Shahid Kapoor and Sonam). (Yes, you can go ahead and judge me for that. :D) And it brought back the cascade effect of how powerful Time is!

It ebbs and flows and so seamlessly. It moves on at a pace much faster than you even realise. While you are going through ups and downs of life, life stretching you apart, tearing your dreams, building the new ones – plotting a whole new construct for you – Life happens and Time just moves its own pace. In all its aplomb saying “To each its own!”.

What we are always pondering upon is situations (circumstances), people, things, past, or future to say the least. But one element we remain indifferent towards is – TIME. May be because to us – that is the only component which remains undeterred, keeps making its moves and seems constant while it is not. It watches us and laughs at us over our hysteria about Life. We run hither-thither wondering what to do! But Time – it captures in itself the essence of all that is quintessential. It is like a river that keeps flowing incessantly and takes along what comes its way. All you need to do is go with the flow!

When you watch this movie, you wonder how it moves from era to era making people meet, part ways – find joys and sorrows on the way. There are scenes having individuals alive, talking and post few years their photograph hung over a wall with a garland around it (depicting they are dead). The aslant movement from the first scene in 1988 to the one in 2002 spanning across and highlighting Punjab riots of 84, and Kashmir genocide in 89 and WTC attack in 2001 and riots in 2002. And then there are instances where you find people coming in and out of lives of each other to just be there at the moment and be their refuge and then move on. There are scenes which highlight the SONDER more than the protagonists.

Isn’t that how it works for all of us? It does! Isn’t that how life always is? It is!

Top L-R: Amer Fort, Paintings in Amer Fort
Bottom L-R: Raja-Rani Temple in Bhubaneshwar, Gateway of India
All these images reflect an era – and we become witness to what survived the
the wave of time. There must be something magical about these that they
tend to define time because otherwise – Time defines itself
and we are just a passe!

Sometimes we take the centre stage and sometimes we are the backdrop. In the larger schema of things, eras are defined by something that is awfully terrible or something that has changed the course of history. (positive or negative) And we – we remain the unknown characters in this larger schema but in our own life – we are the heroes! I fall in love with this concoction of where we are everything and where we are nothing at the same time. And this – this makes me fall in love with this concept and power of time and the switching of our roles all over again.

That movie is so purely a reflection of how our lives move and intertwine seamlessly from months to months and years to years. The way time gives your hard times to how it heals you, how it fades away certain parts of memory and yet has the power to bring them alive at its own will. The way it challenges you with your courage and determination and then itself gives you a way too. It tests you, it hits you, it stumps you and the very next moment it helps you, it prevents you and protects you and then blesses you! It spins its magic and we are enthralled.

This is real. This is bliss. And I love to reside in the arms of this euphoria called Time! To put it plain, that’s life! With every passing year, I wish to be more conscious of the time I am living now and believe in the power of present because that is the only ounce of time that I can interact with!

With this I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Love

The Seeker

looking forward to Welcome 2019

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[BBSR – PartII] The legacy in murmurs!

Karanvir Gupta — Sat, 04 Aug 2018 06:10:00 +0000

The Sun Temple Konark is not just another temple. It is a place you visit where The Chakra of Life comes complete

contd…

I wake up to the vibrations that I could feel, as if in my dreams, just to see 18 missed calls. The driver had tried hard to wake us up with all his possible valour. It is already 8:00 am while we were supposed to leave the hotel by 6:30 am. I thought our desire to visit the so talked about Sun Temple Konark has been left unfulfilled. The driver would have gone by now after trying to reach out to us incessantly. Leaving us without any hint of what to do the entire day and when suddenly the phone rings. “It’s driver”, I shout and immediately pick up the call. I apologise but he calmly says “Sir aa jao, I am waiting at the same spot where I was waiting yesterday”. I said “Ok, give us 30min and we will be there.”

We hurry up with all our morning rituals, take a bath, get dressed up and are standing in front of the car in 26 minutes to be precise. And so starts our journey on Day-2 in the city that has bathed in the glory of the traditions and legacy – with the air that is moist and damp – the sky that is shrouded in clouds giving the way to sun to shine for a while and then hide back. A city that has a pace of its own. It has been 20-25min and we are out in the hinterlands, viewing large open spaces all around. What we could not enjoy yesterday, we could today.

I am making pictures in my head about all that could be erotic and tending to be vulgar displayed in the open at the temple. Wondering why such temples were built. While we call this contemporary art form, it lay its foundation more than thousand years ago. And how is that it was perfectly fine to have an ostentatious display of sexual fantasies and positions back then. And how did the people assimilate all this information? I have a swirl of questions going around in my head. “We are almost there”, says the driver.

We take an auto from the taxi stand which drops us at the gate of the temple. ‘Rs30 for nationals from India, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Nepal and Sri-Lanka and Rs500 all other nations’ reads the board hanging at the top of the ticket counter. As we enter the temple, there are huge stalls setup selling artefacts, local handicraft, and souvenirs at both sides of the aisle. We walk directly towards the temple ignoring many a callouts to the individual stalls.

You stand the top of the staircase of the first sanctum. (Yes, this temple used to have 2 sanctum unlike other temples.) It looks nothing but ordinary. A huge playground (or park would be a better word), at the centre of which lies a structure around which people are congregated.

But as you walk past each and every step, knowing the age of each stone and the legacy of the temple – you are waow’ed rather flabbergasted. It showcases the 166 nritya mudras which are engraved on the walls of the first building. Dance – the expression of life – captured in those beautifully carved structures mesmerises you. You move a little ahead and see the Sun God in his childhood. You keep moving clockwise and you see the Sun God in his youth and old age. Very much depicting the grahas of life (Brahamacharya, Grihasta, Vanaprastha)

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One of the 24 wheels at the base of Chariot over which
the entire temple stands

While these are depicted at the top of the central temple structure, at the ground level you come across the day-to-day life from when a child is born to when a man and a woman get married and mithuna. The art that depicts minute details like the mornings when you stretch, afternoons when you need a nap to the evenings when the woman is doing a touch-up for the social gathering. There are games that men are engrossed in. From a vidai (rukhsat) of a girl to the welcoming in the new home – each and every scene from our life is depicted there. And in this huge schema lies the work that depicts sex and sexual positions. From voyeurism to threesome to an orgy – it depicts all.

The guide murmurs things in your ears which are barely heard left alone understand. And you wonder – so much hissing for the boldness of our culture. Look at these murals and take pity on yourself – I really wanted to say this to the guide. Those people had the audacity to build this so beautifully and you (try to) explain that grandeur in your murmurs.

While we circumvent around the temple, we see that the entire temple is built over a chariot like structure the base of which has 12 wheels on one side and 12 wheels on the other (over which the entire art is depicted). By looking at the shadow of stick pointed at the centre of these wheels, one could tell time. The half wheels depict the activities of 12 hours of the days time and remaining twelve wheels depict the activities of the night time.

So much thought! It covers the 24 hours of our day depicted on the 24 wheels and the entire life on a horizontal slab running parallel across the temple. It is like you go there and the entire chakra of your life seems to have come complete. Your entire life comes gushing in front of your eyes. Take a deep breath and sigh!

The temple was anything but ordinary! It is an epitome of art, thought and reflection of our own lives – the depth of which is tough to put in words. It can only be felt. We felt it and we left the place with some (actually quite much) food for thought – a piece of which you just finished reading.

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We are all a Jar full of cigarette butts!

Karanvir Gupta — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 19:58:00 +0000

Yes. Strange though it sounds!

It always amazes me that how day after day things seem to be all still yet when you look back at the years; nothing seems to be constant – not even a fraction of it! But it makes me question the supremacy of The Presentthat it holds so much power in itself that all what we have been, what we faced, what we lived and what we felt holds no place in us – once it’s gone.

It would be unfair so to believe that you are just what you are at the moment – nothing more nothing less. It is like demeaning all our experiences and make us something that is just the product of our present actions and consequences. To say the least – goes well with present day scenario – Instant Karma, Instant Results.

But then I look inside and ask – that is how I would like to see myself as. The result of my current actions. No. it sounds to me like Maggi 2 minutes. Rip open the packet, shed the content in the water, boil it and voila – the Maggi is ready to eat!

That is not how quickly I became what I am – for all the ones around me to consume. When you love me or accept me you do so for what I have become over the period of years and when you disapprove me – you do so for what I have not been able to become. So you do not love what I am right now. But you love ‘the me’ which is the residue of what has remained inside me from the past, what has been grilled so far to make me taste like I do.

I have been burning each moment. Slowly and Slowly. While I were a kid, I committed mistakes and burned myself then. What remained were the lessons. As I grew up and studied and burned some marks. What remained was the learnings. I grew up a little more visited places and burned the prejudices. What remained – a milieu of cultures and acceptance! And then relationships, successes and failures – what remained was joy, pride, humility. It went by and goes on still.

Every time, I was experiencing an emotion or living the present, I was burning myself in the moment like a cigarette does. It is pleasure for the moment. It surely is. The moment keeps you take a drag deep and *Sigh*. We are in the ecstasy of the moment yet as a matter of fact we are burning. But the moment; like the cigarette has to end then. And all what you have been breathing in or living through is caged in the cigarette butt. All that matters is what has been filtered and remains behind. Now the question is you throw it away or keep it safe.

Knowingly or unknowingly this residue is what defines our existence but not the “very” moments we lived (read burned). As the time goes by the jar of our life keeps getting filled by the cigarette butts that have remained from the infinite instances of burning at those very moments. These cigarette butts are what defines us. The amalgamation is what constitutes us.

We burned – at times for ourselves and at times for others. Yes, we were the source from which they wanted to take a drag. So many lips kissed us and at times we kissed some too. And that is how so many stories were shared, experiences narrated and the warmth spread. All that got caged in those so meaningless cigarette butts. I would be amused if somebody asks to those butts “why are you so dark?” Only if they could answer back “While you were burning, there were left some scars!”

It is just that we rarely understood that we are not what we are when alive but what remains when a part of us dies. We all burn – we all are burning every moment – only for what we are going to become or what we have already become. No wonder we are all a jar full of cigarette butts!

At the end of it, we all be like…

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Life, Goals and The Alternate Cinema

Karanvir Gupta — Sat, 10 Sep 2016 07:05:00 +0000

As the time approaches, the wedding craziness seems to be getting stronger and fervent. There is a lot of chaos in the head among which you are expected to rest in peace. Ironical, it may sound; the reality it is. And so do, of late, our conversations have been around life and goals. A year back we had not even thought of all this happening for next two-three years let alone few months. We were busy settling per se in our lives and jobs. But life has its tantrums which it throws on us at its own sweet will.

All we can do is adjust our sails accordingly.

‘Life and Goals are like the Alternate Cinema, where journey is more important than the ending!’

While all this happens, we wonder that there are no flower showers happening, there’s no extra shine in the stars and there is no dance in the rain sequence in realty. The soulful songs remain to be pieces of imagination. The only thing/emotion that persists is a continuous wave of happiness. But then where is all that we saw in the movies when growing up? Was it a sham?

Yes, it was! The love for movies made me watch works like Salim langde pe mat ro, Ek Doctor ki Maut, Ardh Satya recently. I was overwhelmed by the work considering the finesse and the fine details with which they were made.

Not the usual Bollywood stuff. In fact when you watch these movies, you will wonder if Bollywood actually produced such movies back then. These are classified as the alternate cinema – which when simplified means – harsh realities and facets of life, too dark to be taken in on a regular basis as you are already bogged down by them and giving you no source of entertainment while watching them. However they might give you a perspective. May be that’s why it is called Art or Parallel Cinema or the alternate Cinema. Now I understand why I always loved Onir.

No wonder the experts on cinema say that ‘The alternate cinema depicts real life and the reel life is the alternate reality!’

Coming back to the Life and Goals, times will come when the goals will seem like alternate reality almost convincing you to the point that they are unattainable and all this shall exist in the lala land. But one will have to shift gears to tell him/herself that the real life is supposed to be full of hardships, unending waves of lows and highs, fighting out the world million times and your own self may be billion times.

Against all the odds, the efforts and the zeal is something that is still in your hands. While I watched these movies, I realized all the actors who performed in such work were zealous actors. They left no stone unturned to give that perfect shot. Because at the end it doesn’t matter how many retakes you ask for, all what matters is the final outcome. I guess this is what ‘the mainstream cinema’ does to us – taking us away from the realities of life.

The fact howsoever being that there is no happy ending per se – as what is shown in the commercial cinema – but yes there can be a memorable journey with to be continued at every pause.

And here she sends yet another meme on Life and goals and we laugh it out together.

Cheers to the times to come!

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