To my usual place. Under the Neem tree.

I love the sight of the Neem tree strategically positioned at the one corner of our house like an umbrella atop. The leaves sprout again and the tree is sparsely green. It is picturesque as always, the brown trunks visible enough from the leaves surrounding them. It is like a painting drawn on a canvas when seen from a distance. 

My cup of Chai + The lap of Neem Tree + Me = A Perfect morning

I love this season – slightly cold invoking a need for warmth. It is welcoming in its own way. It already feels festive. Diwali was just around the corner. 

Well, I moved towards the wall standing against the neem tree, adjoining our neighbor’s compound. 

“Namaste Uncle”, I said in a loud voice to get his attention. 

“Looks like you have gotten to paint the house this Diwali.”, 

“Hahahahah. Nothing like that.” he quipped. “Actually the kids are coming home ahead of Diwali.” “So, I thought of redoing it a bit.”

“Oh, that is amazing Uncle. And the colour looks bright” I said. Just like your mood, I thought. 

I could feel their happiness. It was as if our house was getting painted, the bushes were being trimmed. Uncle had picked the choicest collection of flowers for their garden which I could see from my rooftop. I am not sure though if Aunty has the courage and strength to prepare pickle this time. 

Yes, she has not been keeping well for quite some time. All we have heard is they have been drifting between Jammu and Mumbai often. Not sure what has gotten to her.

Last few years have been miserable that way. As if happiness had forgotten the way to their beautifully done home.

There were times when there was always some khapkhaana (read happy noise) coming in from that house. I must be in class 10th when their elder son got married and in Class 12th when the younger one got married. Their daughter had got married even before the two sons and I do not have any memory of that.

It used to be peak hours of my studying when the DJ went all out in full volume “Dhol Jageeron Da…”, “ Tunak Tun-Tun, Tunak Tun-Tun”, and I would imagine dance moves while listening to those songs. I loved their familial bond and I have always loved their subtle exuberance about the bond they shared with each other amongst the family.

The family got bigger and bigger. There were more family dinners, and get-togethers. All 3 siblings along with their better-halves would join Uncle-Aunty in the weekly Sunday brunches or dinners. But then one fine day when I came back from my college for a summer break, I got to know that both the sons have moved to outside India. 

The house that was shimmering with love, laughter and aroma of good food was left empty, lonely and scentless with aging parents still maneuvering their beautifully done home. In the hope that kids would visit them once a year if not forever.

But weeks, months and years passed and neither the sons nor their partners ever got back to home ever. And in between the lady of the house picked up ailments beyond recovery. She grew thin and much leaner than before. When I first saw her after a long hiatus, I could barely recognise her. The pain had taken over her body completely. The sadness from the aloofness had pierced her eyes and souls maybe. She could hardly laugh anymore with anyone. Maybe she does with her kids – over the phone – hoping and wanting them to come back. 

The garden remained unkempt, the bushes grew beyond their natural length, the walls of the house eroded with the rains and withering weather year after year. The couple has tried to keep the foundation strong though. Uncle takes care of the household chores, even cooks all the meals and gives his fullest to take care of aunty – in the smallest ways possible. 

It is strange that couples who often spend early years of their marriage battling out their differences wish to spend a lifetime of togetherness in their aging years. But it is too late then, isn’t it?

Well that day, I saw Aunty smiling again coming out of her kitchen drying veggies on the pavement. Aah! The pickle would see another season this year. I beamed with happiness. How beautiful and powerful the emotion is that the homecoming of children infuses so much strength, courage and happiness inside the heart and soul of parents. So much so that their bodies feel young and their eyes happier. 

My heart felt elated watching the commotion from this side of the wall. The house was spewing freshness. The garden was prim and proper, again. The aisle of flowers (guldodi, gutta, dailia lined up alternatively) made the sides look so beautiful and welcoming. The chandelier in their lobby, which I could see from the vantage point – with their lobby curtains aside – was lit up again in full.

The stranded house was once again an abode full of love, laughter and happiness.

Meanwhile, I hear Uncle and aunty laughing out loud sharing a joke about the kids maybe. I am not sure if these kids or Uncle-Aunty would ever get to read this but if they ever – they should know, that in their happiness and sadness, in their good times or bad times – I have felt how they have felt very much along with them from this side of the wall.

But that day I was happy to see my neighbors happy once again!

It must be just another hashtag #homecoming to return home this Diwali, but for parents it is like reliving your entire childhood in those few days of you being with them. It is creating beautiful memories for the next 350 days when you will not be there. It is blowing life into the balloons of theirs and keeping it afloat till the house is full of life again.

To you and your families, A very happy Diwali. 

P.S. If you are heading home this Diwali, try to visit Chhat of your home. It misses you too.

P.S.S. I ahve gone through a similar turbulence of emotions and here’s the story of my GharWaapsi and it’s been 2 years to that.

The post My Happy Neighbors, Once Again appeared first on Thebuswindow.

Raghu Kul reet yehi chali aayi

Praan Jaayein par vachan na Jaayein

(which literally translates into – the power of promises(words) is much bigger than the life we breathe and this tradition continues from the times of Lord Rama)

But times have changed drastically and for the worse! The words, promises have no value but neither life is any more precious. All that has turned to be paramount is wealth, fame and power. If there is anything that comes in the way of accumulating any of these – can be plainly sacrificed. 

I am sure, it is not me alone who has been seeing this happening around for quite some time now. This scenario is out there for all of us to view day in and day out. A brother is a foe to brother (from the same mother), siblings are now competitors, parents are left in old age and kids in the golden cage, family feuds over piece of land (that no one is carrying along after death) remain unsolved in courts for years, corruption suffocates you in each social transaction. Interestingly, every damn thing is a transaction. The weight of these vices has become insurmountable leaving us in dark forever. 

Sadly though, you and I have become a part of this system with so much ease and fluidity that it seldom occurs to us the dilapidation of our moral values and lessons learnt over the centuries and millennium. 

In the century old saga of our great epic of all times – Ramayana, as it is called – we see a virulent fight between the good and the evil, the virtuous and the corrupt, humble and the arrogant, the values and the vices. 

And every single time, the good has stood victorious. But will it be possible this time?

It is anecdotal to note that in Satyuga, the fight was between Devas and Asurs.

In Treta Yuga, the fight was between two different lands.

In Dwapara Yuga, the dominion of war receded to one family. (between the brothers)

In Kali Yuga, we see that the battle has confounded within our own selves. 

(For more details on Yugas, please refer here)

The Yin and the Yang reside within me. The black and the white, the dark and the light, the virtues and the vices – they are all within my own mind, body and soul. We all are constantly battling this never ending war and it has become like a black hole, we are unable to escape.

A few days ago I was led into this thought that what if Ravana was born today, how would he look, what will be his character, what vices would be greater and difficult to find and kill in him so that the world could be a better and peaceful place to live.

I didn’t have to run far. I could easily spot a Ravana within me. I am so full of vices. Those vices make me weak and vulnerable but at the same time the cognisance of those vices makes me powerful. And this makes the entire situation trickier than anything else.

There are countless vices that I could write to demonstrate the wilderness of this single-headed Ravana that is me. But for now, I listed the top most apparent vices that I could correlate to.

1. Ego – After hundreds and thousands of years of Ravana being killed in Lanka, ego still remains the biggest fallacy we own. I am not sure how do I define this emotion called ego but it is the weakest link in our existence.

2. Ungrateful – As a human, we are bestowed with the best gifts of nature but we consistently ignore them (such as rivers, lakes, natural springs, flowers, animals, birds, mountains, our ability to speak, write, express, and most importantly our ability to think and differentiate right from the wrong, etc.) But we never feel grateful to these unimaginable gifts rather we are always complaining

3. Unforgiving – We take ourselves too seriously and because of that we do not forgive anyone easily who we suppose has harmed us, our existence, and most importantly our sense of ego. Forgiveness is considered as the greatest virtue we have easily sidelined under the shadow of new “Inspiring quotes – Forgive but never Forget”, the fact being you have never forgiven if you have not forgotten.

4. Selfishness – From making friendships to sustaining relationships, we consider everything as a transaction. We are good to people from whom we expect or want something and we are oblivion of those who in our definition can’t provide us with anything. We are more selfish than we ever were.

5. Fake News – We are consumed by the idea of sharing every and any kind of information without validating its accuracy. More than half of the world’s problems are because of poor and wrong information being disseminated and we playing an equal role in spreading these farce news with our social networks.

6. Lack of Listening – We are intolerant beings who only know how to share their side of the story. We have no patience left to hear the other side of the story. And listening is the core of our existence. Sitting with one another, listening to their stories of pain, struggle, valour or grief makes us wiser but we have been failing at it badly. This has led us to be intolerant, quicker to react, judgemental and more rude than we naturally are.

7. Apathy – Corporate talks about wellbeing, mindfulness, leadership talk about producing more empathetic leaders. I always wonder shouldn’t this be a natural human trait we all should possess. But alas! It is rare to find humans who can put themselves in someone else’s shoes and feel their pain, misery or state of mind. 

This Ravana clearly has vices that are difficult to deal with. The bigger challenge is they reside within me who pretends to be good and struggles for perfection and is wanting to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of righteousness. 

I am the Ravana, I am the Ram. I am the perpetrator of all that is wrong and I am the culmination of that good that arouses from within me. There is an unprecedented weight of the vices within me that I am carrying over my chest and a bag full of pseudo-goodness that I am carrying over my shoulders. I am looking to free myself from this existence of duality. I wish to live free, flowing and light. Is that even a possibility in this Yuga or ever?

Will I be able to kill the Ravana inside me? Will we?

P.S. If you think there is anything else that constitutes Ravana of the 21st Century, drop your thoughts in comments.

The post If Ravana was born today appeared first on Thebuswindow.

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I said: Well right now after seeing what has happened in the Capitol building, I am unhappy about the world as well. The last year we all know has not been great but the beginning of 2021 doesn’t look promising either. 

But yes if you are asking about India, Yes I am unhappy about that as well. 

(To which he had a hearty laugh) and said: Aren’t you a Bhakt anymore? No more NaMo Namah?

And I broke into laughter as well. 

Well, that is not the point Papa. There are things which I absolutely applaud NaMo BJP government for. From infrastructure projects – such as tube metro, tunnels in the toughest terrains of India, Express Corridor, and other achievements such as OROP, abrogation of Article 370 in J&K, modernisation of Education system, consciousness towards the need of a cleaner and plastic free India and recognition of local indigenous culture of various states – there is a lot which has been commendable on their part. The results of which might take some time to showcase or gain momentum. 

“But if you attribute so much progress and development to them, what exactly disturbs you?”, he quipped.

“Imbalance of forces and misuse of power”, was my immediate response. There is this sense of mistrust prevailing across the society because the system is being tweaked and twisted to suit the political benefits. The rules and law are flouted on a daily basis that might be just fine till BJP is inpower or till the time the common mass doesn’t take notice of it. But the day, it gets noticed – it is going to lead to a State of Anarchy – a huge uncontrollable rebellion. And that is my concern. 

I start with the simplest of examples – I have been writing for Op-Ed in Daily Excelsior for the last 8 years now (since 2012). But never before I found this resistance against publishing an article that is anti-incumbent. And this sentiment – when you extrapolate this to the larger ecosystem – is prevalent in the National Media as well. 

Isn’t the purpose of the media to present an unbiased picture of the state of affairs and make the public aware? But is that even happening? Absolutely not! We all know that Times Now being pro-BJP, NDTV anti-BJP and CNBC will stay neutral to such an extent that it would not even add value.

From Delhi riots in Feb 2020 till now about the debates around how the corona was handled in India and the release of vaccination – the media have not been able to present a true picture. This atmosphere of fear on speaking the truth or fear of being harmed on presenting unbiased facts is disturbing to say the least. 

From state level to national level, everyone is observing silently – how the portfolio of ministers, governors of the states, key people at the judiciary (High Court to Supreme courts) are moved as per the “political need”. I am disturbed by this imbalance of forces and power. This movement then not becomes a tactic or a technique but a precedent for many other offices down the hierarchy. 

Everyone is so busy pleasing the BJP so that they might as well get benefitted (and prevent themselves any harm) and this is showing up around. (they say sab apna chul sek rahe hain not knowing and realising this is going to come back and haunt the entire society)

Aren’t the 3 pillars of democracy – Legislature, Executive, and Judiciary supposed to work in tandem (yet not hands in gloves) and keep a check on each other?

Camouflaging and ricochet – that is my other major concern of the BJP government. There always seems to be one or the other issue be it Narcotics in Bollywood, to Kangana’s tantrums, to some protest, or discussions over trivial topics that really do not add value to the society as a whole. But the prime time, debate hours go on to discuss these for hours and days and months – Why? To sideline the attention of the public and masses from the issues of growth, development, economics and finance of the country? To digress. 

As an incumbent if you are doing 1000 things right and 200 things wrong – I would be able to trust you only when you hold ownership and accountability for all 1200 things and not for those 1000 alone. And especially not by distracting people to something that is spicier but useless.

The fear that any opposition to BJP would be dealt strongly or muted forever is deadly. In fact that is exactly against the ethos of Democracy. To dissent is the core in democracy and to come to a solution unanimously and amicably is the strength. Unfortunately our core is getting suppressed and so our strength is weakening as a result.

An atmosphere where people are not allowed to speak up their mind with the fear of being silenced forever, an ecosystem where all the pillars of democracy are muddled to work to protect the incumbent, media where loud voices and shouting is allowed to set the context of a debate – is then a perfect recipe for Anarchy (Not a Superpower)! That is not India, I dream of.

This lack of trust in the system – emanating from inefficient or disloyal pillars of democracy, unavailability of right and rightful information, information overdose that confuses the public, corrupt and selfish bureaucracy and showbiz politics – is going to eat up the society like termites.

If something costs us our values and the basic DNA, that is best left to its own. And that is why what happened in Capitol Building shocks me, worries me and succumbs me to those dreadful thoughts. Because that is exactly what happens when we give so much power and weightage to one person more than the constitution itself that we as society are blinded to differentiate between right vs wrong. What if that happens in India?

Because, we all know (though subconsciously) that neither Narendra Modi (who we all love and adore 犀利士 and the man who has it all under control) nor BJP is going be at the helm of affairs forever but when the takht will topple with any other party or with people who may not have as much might as our NaMo – what is going to be the State of Affairs in our country then?

Will there be hooliganism and vandalism at the very temple of our constitution – The parliament?

So, Papa, this absence of sanity is what disturbs me! And the world surely is on a bad trip that it cannot make sense of all of this and chooses to ignore. 

The post Is the world on a bad trip? appeared first on Thebuswindow.

While many of us – human beings – who had an unusually busy lifestyle enjoyed the initial bit of it because all essentials were made available and it seemed just normal. The pandemic hit hard on folks like daily wagers, contractors, and contractual workforce across verticals and industries. But as and when the lockdown started getting prolonged from Phase 1 of 21 days to Phase 2 of 19 days (and Phase3 of 14 Days) with no signs of being lifted yet – the entire situation started to seem grim.

We could see and feel humans to be stressed, depressed and a kind of anxiety that engulfed all of us while being at home – for time which seems to be forever now. We saw many people (our friends, family and our heartthrob celebs) uploading pictures of them sweeping their house, baking some cake, making some gourmet food but eventually even that started to fade.

Because at the end of the day we are animals and the toughest is to kill our basic animal instinct. We are not brain wired to be seated indoors for long. We love going outside to hunt for our jobs, professions, mates, friends, drinks, friendships and passion. That is who we are. And when you are unable to do so and caged in the four walls of your house, something starts disturbing you inside.

But if there is someone who is having a ball all this time is – Nature!

The pollution level has been decreasing across all the major global cities of the world (including India as well) From decreasing air pollution to water and noise pollution, the earth is better off with humans being caged inside their homes. Looks like nature’s got a breather too.

Across India, there have been many mountain ranges or peaks which people started spotting with decreased micron and suspended particles in the air (from their cities). Many folks in the cities also saw and observed blue clear skies which otherwise would be hazy views. Scientists could finally hear earth’s tectonic movements – with better precision and accuracy – which otherwise were shrouded in the noise created by human activities et.al.

As observed, the rivers, lakes and oceans started getting clearer too with less or no human activity and absolutely zero level of industrial waste being dumped into the water resources. Ganga is cleaner. Yamuna is without froth. All these sights would not have been possible in the lifetime and we would not have been able to see the magical beauty of our earth and its natural resources had there been no lockdown, the blessing in disguise.

The dolphins were spotted in Arabian sea near Mumbai which nobody even knew that they existed in those areas. The Olive Riley turtles turned out at Odisha coast in lakhs for nesting owing to zero human activity there. Similarly in another incidence large leatherback sea turtles were spotted at the beaches of Thailand. It is pure magic to spot species of animals that we thought were either endangered or no more. Stags and deers were spotted on the roads, elephants were seen in herds walking on the roads cutting through the jungle and the cities. Snow leopards were spotted in Nainital. And the list goes on and on.

It is an indication that earth has its own way of protecting what it has created and nurtured for millions and billion years. It is also a reflection of the motherly nature of our earth – that it cannot be partial to the rest of its kids just because the humans are “supposedly” smarter kids in the lot. After all, a mother is the least biased towards its kids. It is also all encompassing like Maa Durga and ward off all the devils to claim what truly belongs to her.

So while making us quarantine – it showed us what else nature beholds within. And maybe what we are seeing as the glint in the grim situation is actually Mother Nature sending us distress signals.

Maybe it is her way of telling us that:

“YOU – Humans – are not the only creatures on this earth, there are many more species and creatures that reside in my garb and I need to take care of all of them equally. I gave you enough and took care of you without any questions asked. But I also owe my responsibility and love towards my other beings.

By showing you clearer and cleaner air, skies and water – I am showing you the real me. By showing you glimpses of species and animals that you thought were extinct, I am letting you peekaboo into what wonderful creatures lie protected in my arms. And these creatures know how to live in harmony with each other and the rest of the ecosystem. Better than you do. It is time you learn the same as well.

Eliminate the unessential from your lives. Use all of it – air, food, water and other natural resources – judicially. Don’t confuse your wants with needs rather try to minimise them. Consume what is BASIC, and truly so and not what you think is basic in your head. Take care of your surroundings, fellow beings, animals and creatures – nature (me) – like you take care of your prized possessions.

It is time you rethink your lifestyle and what got you here. It is time you contemplate, if you continue with your “usual lifestyle”, where are you going from here. Because surely, you missed the Heaven that was here on this earth. And there is no heaven after that. So, for once PAUSE, RE-THINK and RE-CALIBRATE your actions and lifestyle before it is too late and before I pour down upon you the havoc you have dreaded the most. EXTINCTION. Extinction of YOU.”

We didn’t see COVID-19 coming but in reaction to that if we do not make some necessary amends to our lifestyle, we surely know what we are upto!

The post The Earth is sending distress signals appeared first on Thebuswindow.

13 Jan 2020: Comes 2020! 13 Jan marks the first festival of the year. Lohri followed by Makar Sakranti on 14th Jan. Folks across India pray for bountiful harvest and it also onsets the days getting longer.  We too celebrated the festival, our eyes beaming with happiness and souls lit! But we didn’t see anything coming!

29 Jan 2020: We had a #famjam. Full on masti, shits go crazy! The body that denies to stop grooving! No time with family is any less better. We in fact had our next trip planned back home! But we still didn’t see that coming! (though hints had started to spread in China)

14 feb 2020: We had a perfect Valentine and yet we didn’t see that coming!

And then the world started crashing down!

24 Feb – We canceled our tickets to the first vacation of the year that was scheduled for 6th March to Krabi!

13 Mar – The orders were passed to start working from home!

15 Mar – The birthday that we celebrated fully indoors at home!

We had just lived the ordeal for 9 days when the country was put under a lockdown for 21 days. And today happens to be the 12th day of this Quarantine and self-isolation! We, humans, have been hit by a world pandemic (as declared by WHO). From the readings, I discovered that such a pandemic happens once in 100 years.

The last Ones were in 1920, 1820 and 1720 (so maybe 2020 was obvious) but we surely didn’t see that coming. That is the best and worst thing about humans. We are the most adaptive to change and also the quickest to succumb to over-confidence.

Well, having said that, the only thing different from this pandemic is – it is man-made rather than natural. It is anticipated that China is the brainchild behind this world attack. Things countries do to show their world dominance. At this point of time when the attack happened the entire world has been quite dependent on China for manufactured goods from electronics to utilities to raw material for various industries. This COVID-19 attack rendered the world helpless and sent the entire global economy into a slowdown. The IMF and World Bank amongst the World Economic Forum are not sure if how much time would be needed to recover from the economic crises that is a result of this world pandemic in 2020.

But we didn’t see this coming! It seems and feels like our merry-go-round was put to a jerking halt!

In the last few years we had developed such busy lifestyles for ourselves that we were almost occupied 24×7. Work, juggling between work and home, late night parties, camping and trekking during extended weekends, weekend getaways during long weekends, staycation and then another vacation. Binge watching, shopping sprees, eat-outs, sloshed at parties, binge eating and watching and incessant drinking and smoke-up sessions.

We have been absorbed in this idea of being occupied every nano second. As a result of this mindset, our overall consumption levels went damn high and while I am not against it completely, I will not be shy to admit that consumerism is a drug and we the human race has been high on it!

Rampant. Incessant. & Many a times Unnecessary – consumption of one or the other drug (sugar, shopping, content and alcohol) had turned us blind towards things that were quite BASIC.

Saying hello and conversing with neighbors, talking to our families and friends, looking at nature and appreciating its beauty and magic, it all seemed odd! And if anyone was found to be doing this, he or she was considered anachronistic. As if this was uncool but being high on a drug everytime was the only “cool thing” to do.

Writing letters was odd, reading books turned odd, star gazing turned odd, playing outdoors turned odd – anything that meant talking to each other and interacting with nature seemed out of fashion. And it all happened in the last 20 years.

The result of which – polluted rivers and streams, oceans full of plastic and waste, skies covered in smog and haze, flora and fauna speeding to extinction and humans headed to depression and drudgery. We had designed and devised a life for ourselves where we were working to fetch resources we didn’t have time to enjoy. And absolutely ignoring the gifts bestowed by nature upon us. Despite all this happening we just couldn’t see this coming!

Irrespective of how Coronavirus spread and put all of humanity under house-arrest, one thing it did good was for humans to see nature in its truest colours.

The deers and stags could be spotted again. Many birds and animal species that were believed to have gone extinct were spotted again. In India, no one knew that there were dolphins near Mumbai beaches but they were spotted too. On the other hand, on Odisha coast, red turtles headed to shores to lay eggs. The Skies that were hidden behind the smoke were seen clearly and stars could be seen in the sky from the high-rise metros too. There have been instances where people could also see the mountains and views for the first time from their city lands (they didn’t even know existed).

It is amazing to see that only 12 days of lockdown and nature has unraveled so much of its magical charm already. Maybe it is a hint that:

1. The nature has divine power to claim what truly belongs to it (and it will if the need be)
2. There is still time for us to course correct our lifestyle and live in total harmony with nature.

The choice is completely ours!

What remains to be seen is for how long will humanity be under lockdown and quarantine  before this COVID-19 dies! And secondly, what lessons we would have picked once all of this is over?

Will we be back to our blinded consumerist lifestyles or will we decide to live in harmony with nature! That will be our true test of intelligence and test of time because our bounce back will define what the future will hold for us!

The post We didn’t see this coming! appeared first on Thebuswindow.

Today, it doesn’t take us a blink of an eye to accept a working woman – be it our wives, sisters or mothers. It just seems obvious and normal to us. But things were not the same 30 or so odd years back when our mothers were young and were taking this leap of career. Some of them chose to be a home-maker and some of them were forced to. 

It was an accepted norm in society and roles were already gender-defined. I think back then, it didn’t make a difference and oppression of choice went unnoticed by the very cliched saying “aisa hi hota hai”, “ladkiyon ko apna career sacrifice karna padta hai”, “kaam karogi to ghar kaun sambhalega” and so on so forth. But then times changed, the society started evolving. And when these women were gifted with daughters – they were doubly conscious of giving good education to her so that she can be independent (rather than being forced into taking up home-maker as a choice)

And in this entire process of bringing up the children, taking care of the families and the household which our mothers did nonchalantly and with ever gracious smiles on their face – we – all of us – forgot to be thankful to them. We also started believing that this is what our mothers or aunts are supposed to do. We started living in this state of oblivion.

We forgot that being a home-maker is a tougher role to be in than any damn corporate role. Your timings are untimed, the responsibilities don’t come with a JD and paycheck. You are not given any appraisals or appreciation. There is just this feeling ke yeh to aisa hi hota hai – this is the minimum we accept of a home-maker. In certain cases even worse where the women have been asked – tum karti hi kya ho!

Recently when 2 women who have been very close to me retorted that “Kanha, hum zindagi mein kuch nahi kar paaye”, I was appalled and shocked. For 2 reasons primarily. Firstly, I always perceived them to be the power-centres of their respective households and secondly on the thought why and how did they reach to the point where this thought kicked in. That made me realise how badly we have failed as a society. Tees saal pehle kuch nahi kar sakte they par uske baad to bahut mauke mile honge kuch karne ke, kuch sudhaarne ke – shayad humne woh bhi nahi kiya.

I think that is the point when it would have felt horribly bad to all those women who made a choice in her life to be home-makers but were thrusted with this emotion of self-doubt or incapability. All of us – be men, husbands or kids (sons and daughters) need to prevent that feeling to reek in where she is made to feel worthless.

And more than anyone else, the first onus is on the husband and the kids to not let that home-maker feel that way. Lend a hand犀利士 , appreciate what she does for the home, acknowledge the sacrifices she has made, an extra mile she goes to ensure that everyone is happy in her house. And that “thankful” wali feeling cannot come by accepting it once in 365 days. It comes and reflects in the day-to-day actions.

From ensuring we are able to manage ourselves and keep our rooms clean, by lifting the scattered stuff around the house, by giving her a day-off, by planning a day-out for her or maybe by planning a trip for her to her favorite destination or restaurant. More importantly to understand her as an individual and acknowledge she can also have good and bad days, she also has the right to feel sad and bad for something when her body and mind are not supporting but she still continues to deliver because it is her family.

The fact being ‘family to hum sab se banti hai’, just that she decided to take it upon her to keep all pieces moving for all of us. We cannot go back in time to fix things but we can definitely fix what is wrong in the present. Change begins at home and it is never too late. Let’s start today and make her – the home-maker – feel worthy! She sacrificed her life for making that house a home a place we all cherish and love going back to every single day! It’s time we make her feel acknowledged and special about all what she has done for us. 🖤

The post To families of home-makers appeared first on Thebuswindow.

And I wonder:

1. If this was supposed to be the outcome, how did they fall in love at first place? (The Silly me!)

2. Yaar, aisa kya hua hoga that they couldn’t survive the relationship? (The Curious me!)

3. Faaaak, there’s so much money that was spent on that marriage (kiske naam ka bill fatega, ab?) (The Mahajan in me!)

I feel bad deep inside for all of those couples and I can’t express how much! This has got me worried quite much lately! Because yeah “your happiness matters!”, “Self comes first”, “it has to be a healthy relationship rather than an abusive one” and blah. blah. blah.

But no one talks about the root-cause of the problem. What went wrong? Who was wrong? Why did that happen? What triggered all of this? And I have looked, observed and even talked to some of them to really understand the “WHY” part of the problem. Honestly, nobody knew the WHY! They all talked about how did the situation made them feel, what are they looking for in a relationship, what the other person didn’t get or understand about them. Nobody discussed or talked about them (read us) as one unit. When the relationship is about two, why the problem and concern is always about one?

It has led me to think a lot about relationships of today and what is baking wrong into these relationships! There are few implicit things that play a pivotal role in screwing things up!

1. The Denial of Adulting: Remember we are a generation born in late 80s and early 90s. Pampered kids at home. Our parents belong to an age (read era) where they have seen so many hardships and tough times that they in 70s or 80s grew up thinking ke “mere bachon ko koi takleef nahi honi chahiye.” (My kids should not suffer whatever so may) And in this entire process of giving us the comfort of life, luxuries and fulfilling our demands even before they reached our lips – it made us a generation of wanting more from life and expecting everything to be easy and as per us. 

And when we grow up and we marry – A) we marry another kid who has been brought up just like you were B) We are shocked by the kind and number of responsibilities a married individual has to bear (irrespective of gender). And when this starts becoming a routine, we start getting pulled into it day after day – it becomes a ruckus and by inertia we really do not want the status quo of our early 25 (or 26, 27 or 28) years to be changed. For sure this inertia has some weight and can’t be dealt easily. This entire idea of leaving all of this and running into what was prevalent before wins hands down. In short, all we are trying to do here is delaying the point where we adult in real sense. This Denial of Adulting is what I call the First reason behind the broken relationships today.

2. Too many cooks: This is bitter, harsher and unfortunate part (characters) of the story – The Bride, The Groom, Bride’s mother and Groom’s mother.  The way our society is – these are the first few folks of the family who bear the brunt of a break-up. While the girl and the boy become culprits and the victims both, their mothers are tagged as villains by default. But sadly though – they have no role played in this. 

Unfortunately however, they way we are brought up – we belong to times when our fathers were always earning money, working on the fields and were travelling and our rapport with our mothers is beyond just love. Our mothers have been “Call a friend” for all happy, sad and turbulent times in our lives. And this behavior which has been built into our DNA is carried forward even after we are married. And the moment, we have any trouble or come across a situation which we are not able to handle – we pick up the phone or ping our Moms to share our inability to handle the same. And Mothers by default in their possessiveness of their children and immense love for them – go ahead and guide them. It’s fine, right? Absolutely!

But what is missing here – the suggestions come out of the experience that the mothers had lived in their young age (and times have considerably changed now and hence the guidance fails) and more importantly the relationship is about the 2 people (and not their mothers/family esp. while dealing the situation). Over and above there are other members of the family who also start contributing their inputs into the situation. And it becomes a mess. (beyond manage)

But a few steps can really save your love from getting destroyed forever.

1. Take deep breaths and keep your mouth shut – Whenever you think, things are not going your way and getting beyond control – first thing you do is SHUT YOURSELF UP! It diffuses the situation/tension in situation by 50%. And seeing you the other half goes the same way and sparks of fight and vengeance are Dead NOW!

2. Resist the desire to share everything with your beloved Moms (and families) – Yes we know you love them and they love you more than anyone else in the world. But that same love can hamper the communication and style of communication between you and your partner! Not good! 

3. Subtract all the unsolicited advice – When it is about hook-ups, crushes and affairs, it’s ok to gather around a table and have a loud candid conversation about your relationship woes with larger audience. (May be, if that is your style). But once you are married and entering into troublesome times, first thing you do is subtract all the advice that has come your way from your single friends, bachelor siblings, long-distance wala couple. You need to subtract all that (what I call truly novice and inexperienced advice) from the equation of your own relationship. Because they have not hit the ground yet!

4.Now when it is only you, your partner and your thoughts left – Go talk. May be in first few attempts, you both remain seated quietly without exchanging any dialogue or even maintaining any eye contact. It is ok. It gets you comfortable with the plain idea of having each other around. Next is don’t wait for – he didn’t ask me first, she didn’t ask me first. The moment it feels ok to start off a conversation, START. You might not get a positive or a healthy response first few times but you have surely have his/her heart back in line with you. Brain definitely is a tougher nut (and an idiot) to crack and consecutive conversations will get that along as well. If you think, talking to your partner is getting tough – talk in slices. for 15min one day to start with, 30min after 2-3 days and get into this habit of talking to them, you will find your self and your partner too sharing stuff which you were not doing earlier.

5. Last but not the least, DROP THAT BOX OF POISON – Your Phone! Nothing is as unhealthy as that shitty piece of box. Never let your partner think your voices, your words are coming from some advice on the phone. While these thoughts might not arise under normal circumstances but when things are not going well, this is the most common thought to happen. And otherwise too, I earnestly suggest to keep your phones at bay when having a communication with your partner. 

I am not promising you that this too long a post will save everything but one attempt is all what you & your love deserves. Because love is precious and it needs more than just normal efforts to stay alive in our hearts and forever. it is not a constant that will remain same and sound same, speak same, smell same and stay same. In fact it is one that changes with time through and through. It is not a milestone, it is a journey. it evolves from time to time, it deepens with time, it develops a flavor of its own and it has a charm that keeps us float. Save your love today and have your valentine forever!

The post This Valentine, save your relationship! appeared first on Thebuswindow.

1. Dissent for an opposing point of view
2. Many educated took upon them to behave and react socially irresponsibly
3. Generalising wrong emotions and thrusting it upon the entire religion (or a community)
4. And then I noticed the same sentiment starts creeping in our day-to-day lives as well – howsoever slowly it does, but it definitely reeks in

It so happened that I started watching #TheForgottenArmy on #AmazonPrime yesterday late evening. Well that is how my Saturdays are spent. Me and my wife pick up a series and take it to the finishing line. In this entire routine, what makes me the utmost happy is both of us are not fussy about the choice of series. She sits with me to watch something of my interest and somedays I sit to watch something of her interest. Isn’t it amazing?

But that’s not the atmosphere prevailing in our country these days. While I was binge watching this one yesterday it hit me that How 2 different (absolutely opposite) schools of thought prevailed in 1940s with utmost mutual respect for each other while bearing the single goal – The Freedom of India from the British Rule.

People from different castes, ethnicity, religious communities and descents joined hands together and sat in a passive-aggressive mode with Gandhiji. And the brethren and people from the same families and groups went and joined Indian National Army in an aggressive mode to get India free from the clutches of 200 year long rule and slavery.

It must have required a lot of patience, sensibility and maturity for both the schools to co-exist and let each other function towards one common-shared goal. And this is what is missing in our current atmosphere. We do not have the common shared goal – we do not have the common idea of having a strong, liberal and superpower India. What we have – is our own idea of how India should be (and should be run).

Because, all of us are NOT working towards the common goal – the betterment of India; that is the reason why we grow impatient, abusive, regressive, violent and murderous towards each other. Forgetting that who we are fighting are very much our own. (On a side note but definitely importantly, we are a secular country and that makes us look stupid and foolish every time we start polarising in the name of the religion. That should stop immediately.)

Going back to the series #TheForgottenArmy, when the grandson asks his grandfather, the surviving soldier of INA that “What can we do in the state of mayhem and chaos?” He answers non-chalantly, “That is exactly what you have to figure out. It was easier to attain freedom but to preserve that freedom in a more challenging task and that onus is on you.”

I strongly believe that if Democracy and Freedom are under threat, then our Republic is under threat. So, yes Democracy for a Republic is the need of the hour! As we celebrate our 71st Republic Day today, let’s pledge that we all will work towards building a nation that accepts, opines and respects the different point of views and allow them to merge (like sugar in milk – milk being India) towards one common goal – The Democratic Republic of India!

Happy Republic Day! Jai Hind!

The post Of many ideas, One India appeared first on Thebuswindow.

Interestingly, in the last 2 decades, we have grown conscious of the food, electricity and water wastage. But we have not consciously tried to understand 2 things:

1. What causes wastage?
2. How much amount of waste we generate?

I picked this number to give you a rough idea of how much waste we are generating. Generally when you read reports or you listen to the news, you would have heard or seen this “India generates 65million tonnes waste annually.” This number seems big but what it does not do is give us a fair amount of idea of our contribution to this number. 

By calculation this implies 450gms of waste being generated per person per day in an urban city. This number is approximately 200gms for an individual in smaller towns or rural demographic. We are the source of all of this collected, uncollected, processed and unprocessed waste being generated in the country. And our source is “all what we consume”. (Read here if you are interested in more details)

Let’s do a simple math. This means 450gm x 30days = approximately 15kgs of waste being generated in a month by me. 

Same goes for you as well!

And if you are 4 in number in a family, this number means 60kg for your family for a month. By the way, this number includes only municipal wastage. It doesn’t take into account electronics, clothes, leather, plastic (in form of house items), etc. This is just a reflection to the Part b. of the problem – How much do we contribute to the wastage?

Now let’s answer the Part a. of the discussion – what causes wastage? CONSUMPTION. While there are basic stuff that all of us definitely need to buy, there is a lot of stuff we buy out of sheer desire, social status or we just feel obligated to buy such stuff because peers have that. 

For many of us, shopping is a stress buster and in these times of increasing depression and loneliness – these scenarios and situations happen quite too often leading us to buy more and more than what we actually need. And this leads to MORE WASTE BEING GENERATED. 

Last year I dedicated my year to being thankful. This year, I am dedicating my year to Minimise Consumption and Effective Disposal of all kinds of Waste. And I want all of you to be a part of this. I am sure Together we can! We are going to implement this at our home and I will share what happens at the end of the year!

For now, I am going to list down stuff that needs effective disposal.

• Food
• Old Clothes
• Old Bags and leather stuff
• Old shoes, belts, purses, wallets
• Old books, used notebooks and other stationery
• Electronics – earphones, headphones, laptops, phones, other gadgets etc.
• House articles such as bedsheets, linen, cushions, pillows, mattress, broken articles, plates, cutlery, etc.
• Larger appliances such as TV, washing machine, refrigerator, or maybe a car, etc.

And I will keep updating this list from time to time. I will also keep updating the effective ways or channels of disposal as and when I will get to know.

Now, I am going to list down stuff where we can minimise consumption:

• Food items (beyond use and need)
• Clothes and stuff for personal consumption (such as makeup, toiletries, etc.)
• Home Articles (as listed above)
• Leather products (including hand bags, laptop bags, watches, shoes, wallets, etc.)
• And each that item which once bought is a liability, doesn’t get consumed so easily and is thrown away because either it is too old to be used or has reaches an expiry date

So, in short what we are trying to achieve here is:

1. Minimise the consumption in our day-to-day lives
2. Effective disposal of items/stuff that is no more in use

I am not sure if just being conscious of these 2 will help eliminate the problem in totality but it will definitely curb some part of it.

The post Theme for 2020! appeared first on Thebuswindow.